Look in the mirror.

The parking spots were full in this unfamiliar parking lot. I had never been here before and can see there are going to be some difficulties not only finding a spot, but also fitting into one of these narrowly stripped spots. I pulled into the parking spot a little too close for comfort to the other car. To fix this situation and prevent my car or the other from receiving damage I began to back up to correct my misfortune of driving a larger vehicle. As always, I looked several times in back of me and both ways. This was a very crowded and congested parking lot I was located in. There are many restaurants that cater to the infinite business people wearing suits and ties. I could see that down about 5 spots, another car was backing out. I had plenty of room to fix myself without worrying about that vehicle. I began to back out, noting in my head what I had just seen through my eyes. Suddenly, I could hear several honks of a horn. I immediately stopped and could see a lady, about my age glaring at me with that evil kind of look you get when you are talking on the phone very loudly in a restaurant. She must of mistaken this parking lot for Atlanta Motor Speedway. I wave to her with my hand, asking her if she could move forward or backward so I could finish fixing my parking issue. Pointing in front of her, I could see that she muttered something through the dimly tinted windows. I back up a little more to the point, that my backup sensors are now going off. This little nudge of encouragement was followed by yet more honking. She was now really irritated and so was I.

I sit there for a split second and think to myself, why can't this lady just help me out by backing up a little. I can see that there are no vehicles behind her, so what is her problem? She is surely in a hurry, I tell myself.  I roll down my window and she does that same. Apparently she wants to have a conversation about this whole dilemma. She speaks to me in the tongue of snoot. "There is a car in front of me that I didn't see backing up." Apparently, she did not see me backing up either as she made her lap around this zigzag track. I ask her to back up or do something other than just sit there blocking me. Several seconds of these back and forths go by as we both begin to butt heads over this. Eventually, she proceeds forward and in doing so says, "you jerk."

I am now able to fix my vehicle placement within a matter of seconds as I notice this lady rushing down the first lap and around to the second lap in front of me. My hands are trembling, as I do not like confrontations. Every time I get into any kind of altercation or situation I do not like, I begin to tremble and shake as my heart begins to race. This would be no exception.

I can see that she pulled into a spot just down and across from me in the other lane and I am about to confront her again, seeing as I am already overly frustrated with her. I ask her what her problem was and confront her about calling me a jerk in front of my child I was toting along. She says, "because you are a jerk, you jerk." I forget exactly what I told her next, but it had something to do with being respectful around kids, especially mine and teaching them how you want them to act. You see......she had a child with her also! He was older. Probably about 4 or 5 years of age. Note, I am not stopping as I walk be her on my way to the eatery I was headed to in the first place. I just speak to her through the wind, hoping she will wise up and realize the errors of her way. This did not happen. So, as I continued at a brisk pace I said, whatever and left it with that.

I finally open the door to the establishment I wanted to make it to and glance back. This parking lot racer is headed my way. I think to myself, you have to be fucking kidding me. I get in line to pick up what my wife had ordered and hear the chime of the door opening. This chime indicates she has arrived with me. We exchange snarled looks into each other's direction, but do not speak. Instead, we pretend to ignore each other. Walking out, I hear her ask her son, "which cupcake do you want.....the same one you always get?" So, she is racing around a very congested parking lot and endangering lives just to get her damn kid a cupcake! Really?!?

I have now made it back to the van and place the little human into his car seat, just as carefully as I have placed the cupcakes I had just received into the floor board. All buckled in securely, I begin to back out noticing speed racer is also backing out. She swiftly leaves and heads toward the exit, just as swiftly as she had come in just moments earlier.

Lady, look at yourself in the mirror. You are a much bigger jerk!

By the way, these cupcakes are to die for. Gigi's is the place to get a cupcake! Just try not to be an ass as you rush for the closest location.

 

Not your ordinary slab of meat.

A couple weeks ago we decided to try a new establishment. We had been passing it up for many months and as we grew tired of the same old joints, we grew more anxious for a new dining experience. Since that first taste of heaven, we have not looked back.

The menu.

Burgers, hot dogs, chicken and fries. What more could one ask for.

Prices.

Reasonable, although slightly higher than the other burger joint.

Atmosphere.

Very welcoming and always clean with a dash of great music to go on the side.

The place.

Smashburger! Their meat is tasty. I don't know how to describe this thick piece of beef other than that. It spills over the egg bun and is topped very generously. Their fries are out of this world awesome. I get the smash fries. A generous portion of golden fried sticks tossed in rosemary with a hint of garlic. It is genius. My other half, gets the sweet potato fries. Another side of perfection. If you come to conclusion of the meal and are thirsting for more......try a malt or shake.

This place has a variety of burger combinations or just create your own. This burger joint, is hands down better than the competition although slightly pricier. They run promotions for free fries on their receipts and also reward you for signing up via email.

So, what are you waiting for. Try a smashburger today!

What is plastic and catches waste?

A disposable diaper. Duh!

Well, on this day Parker wanted to know what it was and how to get it off of his brother.

Get ready for another neck bender. I do not take responsibility for sore/stiff necks and will likewise, not pay for any doctor visits or chiropractor visits due to your need to look at it the correct way. I can tell what is going on in this video without the need to turn my head.

Redux

Do you remember when I said, I was going to start exercising and drinking water? Well, I do!

Let's just say, after a week it became non-existent.  I no longer exercised. I no longer drank only water. I no longer listened to myself.

Today.

Today I started fresh. A clean slate has been brushed off and etched with the hands of a higher being. I began this day by drinking water. I set out to begin walking/jogging again. I loaded up the little humans in the old minivan and found a spot to park. I have decided to go on a walking path along the Chattahoochee River. There are river views for me and car views for the little humans as they wiz by at a faster rate than should be traveled. 2 miles is my starting point. 2 miles of agony as I would later learn.

A brisk walk was intermittently challenged by a slightly faster jog. The path was slow, but flat. I could smell the exhaust of cars and the moisture laden leaves as I trekked along with determination. The reward for the little humans.......if daddy could make it back to the starting point without going into a coma, they could play on the playground and be swung on the swings in the breeze by the river. Luckily for them, I made it back.

Here are some pictures. I assure you, you won't see any of me bent over in agony hurling water from my mouth as I gasp for air. The bridge is that of Roswell Road crossing over the Chattahoochee River. This bridge was originally a covered bridge and you can still see some of the arches from that time period. I had no knowledge of this until I came upon it while doing a u-turn on the path I was walking.

All pictures were taken with my cell phone, so don't judge.

 

 

Whats yours is mine!

Our littlest is trying to graduate on his own. The other night, his older little human counterpart left his sippy cup within reach and he jumped at the opportunity. Snatching it, he quickly began chugging away. I would like to say, he was graceful. He was not. As you can see, he had it running down his face, around his chin and onto his chest before being soaked up by the tshirt. He is trying and I will give him that. We are slowly trying to ween him of the bottle anyway, so his cooperation is much appreciated. 

  

Little human.......fetch!

Our big, little human loves balls. Here is a snip-it of a daily routine. He was a little more cooperative before I began filming. 

Btw- I know I haven't posted in a while. I promise to be more on the ball. I just haven't had the dedication to it and have been in a funk as of late, so deal with it.

Sous chef.

On some nights, after a very long day with screaming, crying, whiny little humans daddy just needs a little help. This night was no exception. Our littlest is teething. Teething equals all the above mentioned at a constant rate of 4 g's. Our other little human woke up from a nap, bawling his poor eye ducts out. He was extra clingy and I had to hold him for a while before he shut up.

Introducing my Sous Chef......

Thank you, Bartles & Jaymes for taking the edge off!

Indoor camping.

The other day, my wife put up this tent we have had in several other rooms. It is the kind that comes along with a tunnel. After you place a Mickey Mouse sofa that converts into a bed, a pillow or two, and a blanket you get a very relaxing oasis for the little humans. Well, one morning we found one of our little guys inside this tent sleeping soundly.

Apparently, he wanted to go camping.

 

Epic fail.

I could tell this morning was going to be different from others.

I had a restless nights sleep and was awake at 430. Intense pounding from my head is what made me get out of bed that early. As I stumbled into the darkness, I managed to find my way to the mega jar of Ibuprofen. The light from the fridge was nearly unbearable, as I searched for something to chase these glorious pills with. Managing to find some apple juice, I quickly chugged some so I could be on my way to bed. I thought I heard some noises coming from the little humans sanctuary, so I peaked inside being ever so cautious of the surprise I might find behind the door. I could see the silhouette of one laying on his bed moving around as if having a nightmare. I quickly turned and crept back to my humble bed. With the intense jack hammer above my head it was hard to get back to sleep. As I lay there in a coma induced state, I could still hear some commotion from the next room over. I thought nothing of it and finally fell back to sleep.

Derek did not want to awake this morning and was eventually forced to, when the time began to count down against his favor. It was picture day at school, so he was dressed in something a little more appropriate than what daddy typically dresses him in. Derek was being very difficult on this morning and was whiny. We managed to get the kids in the car and headed to school.

Arriving at school, I thought of something. I had not packed any diapers.......AGAIN! This would be the second time I had managed to elude the fact that he needed diapers. These teachers are going to be pissed at me, I thought to myself. I am sure they can steal some from an emergency supply or another little humans back pack, but the fact still lingered in my head..... I had forgotten diapers once again. I pulled up to the drop off line, mortified that he did not have diapers. As one of the adults pulled him out of the car, his back pack fell to the ground. I thought nothing of this innocent accident, but as I pulled away I heard a crunch from the back passenger side tire. It sounded like a sippy cup! I continued on my way forward, looking over at another adult as she passed my window. I could tell she had a slight cringe on her face, as she looked down toward the pavement. I peered through the rear-view mirror and could see a jumbled mess of bright colors laying in the path I had just taken. It was Derek's sippy cup. It must have fallen out of his backpack when it crashed from the car. So now, he has no diapers and nothing to drink!!! Shit, mother fucker.

I feel so bad for the poor little human and expect a call on my cell phone at any minute asking why he has neither of these items in his possession today. I do not look forward to picking him up this afternoon. I suspect, I will be sent to the principals office or something like that. I just hate confrontations. I am sure a note will be left in his backpack.

Such is life, when you are a stay at home dad. Welcome to my world.    

Meat locker.

7am.

The sun rose, casting shadows across my sleepy face as I lay in bed. It was a warming sun, unlike the howling from the chilly wind that could be heard rattling the window panes. A cold front had ripped across the Spring-like landscape bringing all new growth to a halt. A little human could be heard in the baby monitor. He was most likely awakened from that sun and gale forced wind banging branches, as if at an outdoor concert. There it goes...... the alarm on my wife's phone perched against that noisy window pane. Luckily, the power had not gone off yet. Only a few short gusts later, it would. The power grid was no match for the persistent wind. The heat in our home is kept at a modest 70 when it is cold outside and 79 when it is warm.  

730am. 

The little humans are now up and running around. You would think they hid coffee in their bedroom, as they jumped straight out of their beds and into a hyper state of mind. As my wife lights candles to help her see in the dark bathroom, I begin the daily routine of morning milk. I normally warm the milk, so I had to go old school and place the drinks in a bath of warm water. The morning cartoons turned into a morning of playing with toys. The temperature at this point was 69. 

830am.

The wife has left for work and the little humans are now being fed after drinking their milk. You can begin to feel the chill in the house as the cold wind penetrates the not so weather friendly windows in this renovated apartment. Toy play is beginning to dwindle and blank, angry stares are being directed toward the flat screen TV placed above the fireplace. The temperature is now a balmy 67. 

9am. 

I place a call to the power company and place the iPad against the sofa with a welcomed cartoon. The temperature is now 66. I told you these windows are terrible! The power company says, 1115 is when they expect the power to be restored. A tree has hit the line. 

1030am.

I begin bundling the little humans into warmer clothes. Still holding at 66 as the wind continues its relentless destruction on the newly formed foliage in the canopies of these large trees. 

1130.

Bastards! Still no power. The temp is now at 65. We could hang whole animal carcasses in our living room because it is so cold. I have an idea. We are going to get ready to eat lunch with mama. 

1220.

As, I strap the last Velcro piece around this little humans foot and proceed to walk out of the door into these blustery conditions the power returns.  It is too late. I have already gotten things ready to leave and we are heading out the door. The heat can run while we are out and warm this meat locker. 

This is how we deal with a power outage.....

About a quarter mile from our community entrance, I witnessed the culprit to this cold morning inside. A very very large pine tree had completely laid itself across the road. This tree was now in large chunks alongside the roadway. I would estimate it was about 150' tall with a trunk diameter of 20'. It was massive!

 

Therapy

Little humans. They project a kinda therapeutic feeling in some ways. There is a reason people are drawn to the nursery in a hospital. Little humans warm our hearts. When depression gets me down, I can just look over at this cute innocent face. Instantly, the feelings subside as I stare into those deep blues and that adorable smile.

Speak boy, speak.

We don't have a dog, but if we did his name would be Parker. Let me tell you, this little human has been anything, but human. He has gnawed on everything......toys, clothes, people....yes, I said people. He is a piranha. A ravenous dog. Acting as if he has not been fed in weeks. Our other little human never went through this phase, so we are out of our element on this one.

The past several weeks our little human has been trying to say things. What? I don't know. Just this morning, as we hiked out of our grotto and into the family wagon the wife and I swear we heard a distinct word come through his full lips. Damn short term memory prevents me from remembering exactly what we thought it was coming out of his mouth. Maybe the other parental unit will gladly chime in. Hint hint. Today, whilst  I lay on the couch I caught him speaking. Again, I don't speak little human, but tried my hardest to come to a conclusion.

I hear, "a door" and "byebye".

Orlando

Mini vacay. As many often say, it was way too short. We visited my mom down in Orlando this past weekend. We had no intentions of feeling like cattle and being herded around the great land of Disney. No. Instead we just wanted to chill out and relax. Laziness was running through are veins. We did summon the courage necessary to enter Downtown Disney, a free and not so crowded area or so we thought! It was crowded. Not the Black Friday kinda mass chaos, but nonetheless pretty damn close. 

Downtown Disney is comprised of shops, restaurants, shops, restaurants, and more shops. In between, there are a few other things to do that will not break the bank. A train ride of about 5 minutes for $2 and a water fountain. We did both! The water was the hit of the town though. Our kids are fish. They breathe out of gills and eat flakes of food. 

After the park, we had more swim time in the kiddie pool at grandma's complex. The pool is very large with a depth of only a foot and a half at most. There are canons that shoot water, a hefty shower of cascading water, and little spouts aiming water toward the middle. 

The pictures were all taken with a cell phone, so don't hate. 

What the HELL!

I kill you. 

The kiddie pool at grandma's complex. 

Stopping to enjoy the flowers.

Did I drink that much?

Where is the little human?

My first Popsicle eaten all by myself!!! 

H2O to face.

If all pools had a kiddie section. 

Slackers.

Now is the time slackers.

Time to mail that IRS form and get your ass handed to you by a white guy wearing a silly hat and over-sized beard. You know who i am talking about right? Uncle Sam. You have seen the Statue of Liberty standing tall and proud, walking the streets like some hooker looking for a John. Well, she has gotten you and given you what you wanted......an STD. So, pucker up and honk as you drive by, knowing you were had by the lady in green. I don't particularly understand what the Statue of Liberty has to do with tax season? I mean, doesn't she represent freedom? I am not really free am I? Free to pay the government my hard earned money while they spend it all on lavish trips and gifts.

There you have it. My soap box rant of the day. If you are lucky, you received money back. If not, there is always next year. If you waited this long anyway, you are and always have been a procrastinator. The other reason....you owe some money.

Happy tax day. Merry Christmas.  

Flair for flowers.

Gardening is a strong passion of mine and although I don't have a yard at the moment to call my own, it is something that still runs deep in my veins. So, when I see beautiful plant life I can't help, but stop and smell the roses. If you don't know,  I have a degree in Horticulture and one in design.  I owned my own lawn care biz for many years and have worked for several colleges. Burnout is what happened.  I would rather design and see the after, rather than doing the hard work leading up to it.

We are visiting my mom in central Florida this weekend on a simple mini vacay.  These are just some of the plants worth taking a picture of. What is even nicer than that, is the fact that the pool is near the same vicinity.  A quick dip is what the doctor ordered. 

Attire of a SAHD.

It has been brought to my attention, that I wear clothes compatible to that of a SAHM. I will say, I tend to not care about what I look like most days. If I am inside and not planning to go out, I don't even bother to shower. So, I ask you, what am I supposed to wear? A tuxedo perhaps. A collared shirt and tie. I think I will stick to my attire.

My pajama pants can be compared to that of someone wearing yoga pants. The only exception to this comparison, is that it does not flatter my physique at all like tight yoga pants would. Why would I kid myself though.....I want something loose and comfy, not tight and constricting. Sweatpants come in at a close second runner up, while we are on the subject of pants. I have worn them to the point, that there is a hole in a not so inconspicuous place. Lets just say, I can't sit with my legs apart like any Sunday football dad. Since my pajama pants have been called out, lets get on with my shirts.

I do not wear the over-sized sweatshirts that a SAHM would be assumed to be wearing. My compatible item of choice is the plain old "T". Yes, I admit it, I like my t-shirts. Actually, I love my t-shirts. They are comfy. At least they aren't wife beaters. You will not catch me dead in a tank top. Most days they are not ironed either. I grab them from the pile of clothes sitting in the chair of our bedroom and place it right over my head. Each wrinkle I count adds a little character and depth, right? Haha. Who am I kidding. I just don't give a flip.

Occasionally, when the weather is crisp and cool I will pull on the old slippers too. You have a problem with that you tuxedo wearing Nazi?

So, yes. I may be comparable to a housewife, but I don't care.

You want a pic? You got it!

Tears

Our littlest human as gone to the Doctor this afternoon. We have an ear infection. In fact, the second in a few months.

This ear infection is pretty advanced though, so we are treating with antibiotics and lots of sympathy. This morning was deafening with the screams and cries of this little person.

Daddy needed a drink by 10am. It is hard to hear this cry and see the waterworks. I know they say, mommies can't stand the crying of their child, but this daddy can't either.

On the plus side, we should be able to still go on our mini vacay.

The Bug. The sequel.

We believe we have gained the trust of this little varmint again. It will be the second time in a month and third in the past few months. Our little, little human started this trend. High fevers seem to be the norm for him. Our other little human seems to prefer the pukage. Today, whilst eating lunch in the back of our rental van he proceeded to hurl chicken nuggets, fries, some hamburger, and sweet tea. While this may sound gross to you, it was equally disturbing to me as I named off everything coming out of his mouth in sequence. As usual, his hands went straight to his mouth and straight into the aim of this wonderous mess.

You get the picture right? Cause I could show you the actual picture, but would not want you to vomit on your screen. So, just take it the way it has been presented....trust me.

Here is a picture just moments before hell was spawned from his mouth.

Here is to hoping is doesn't repeat the sequence of past events. I really don't want it!