What is plastic and catches waste?

A disposable diaper. Duh!

Well, on this day Parker wanted to know what it was and how to get it off of his brother.

Get ready for another neck bender. I do not take responsibility for sore/stiff necks and will likewise, not pay for any doctor visits or chiropractor visits due to your need to look at it the correct way. I can tell what is going on in this video without the need to turn my head.

Whats yours is mine!

Our littlest is trying to graduate on his own. The other night, his older little human counterpart left his sippy cup within reach and he jumped at the opportunity. Snatching it, he quickly began chugging away. I would like to say, he was graceful. He was not. As you can see, he had it running down his face, around his chin and onto his chest before being soaked up by the tshirt. He is trying and I will give him that. We are slowly trying to ween him of the bottle anyway, so his cooperation is much appreciated. 

  

Sous chef.

On some nights, after a very long day with screaming, crying, whiny little humans daddy just needs a little help. This night was no exception. Our littlest is teething. Teething equals all the above mentioned at a constant rate of 4 g's. Our other little human woke up from a nap, bawling his poor eye ducts out. He was extra clingy and I had to hold him for a while before he shut up.

Introducing my Sous Chef......

Thank you, Bartles & Jaymes for taking the edge off!

Epic fail.

I could tell this morning was going to be different from others.

I had a restless nights sleep and was awake at 430. Intense pounding from my head is what made me get out of bed that early. As I stumbled into the darkness, I managed to find my way to the mega jar of Ibuprofen. The light from the fridge was nearly unbearable, as I searched for something to chase these glorious pills with. Managing to find some apple juice, I quickly chugged some so I could be on my way to bed. I thought I heard some noises coming from the little humans sanctuary, so I peaked inside being ever so cautious of the surprise I might find behind the door. I could see the silhouette of one laying on his bed moving around as if having a nightmare. I quickly turned and crept back to my humble bed. With the intense jack hammer above my head it was hard to get back to sleep. As I lay there in a coma induced state, I could still hear some commotion from the next room over. I thought nothing of it and finally fell back to sleep.

Derek did not want to awake this morning and was eventually forced to, when the time began to count down against his favor. It was picture day at school, so he was dressed in something a little more appropriate than what daddy typically dresses him in. Derek was being very difficult on this morning and was whiny. We managed to get the kids in the car and headed to school.

Arriving at school, I thought of something. I had not packed any diapers.......AGAIN! This would be the second time I had managed to elude the fact that he needed diapers. These teachers are going to be pissed at me, I thought to myself. I am sure they can steal some from an emergency supply or another little humans back pack, but the fact still lingered in my head..... I had forgotten diapers once again. I pulled up to the drop off line, mortified that he did not have diapers. As one of the adults pulled him out of the car, his back pack fell to the ground. I thought nothing of this innocent accident, but as I pulled away I heard a crunch from the back passenger side tire. It sounded like a sippy cup! I continued on my way forward, looking over at another adult as she passed my window. I could tell she had a slight cringe on her face, as she looked down toward the pavement. I peered through the rear-view mirror and could see a jumbled mess of bright colors laying in the path I had just taken. It was Derek's sippy cup. It must have fallen out of his backpack when it crashed from the car. So now, he has no diapers and nothing to drink!!! Shit, mother fucker.

I feel so bad for the poor little human and expect a call on my cell phone at any minute asking why he has neither of these items in his possession today. I do not look forward to picking him up this afternoon. I suspect, I will be sent to the principals office or something like that. I just hate confrontations. I am sure a note will be left in his backpack.

Such is life, when you are a stay at home dad. Welcome to my world.    

Tears

Our littlest human as gone to the Doctor this afternoon. We have an ear infection. In fact, the second in a few months.

This ear infection is pretty advanced though, so we are treating with antibiotics and lots of sympathy. This morning was deafening with the screams and cries of this little person.

Daddy needed a drink by 10am. It is hard to hear this cry and see the waterworks. I know they say, mommies can't stand the crying of their child, but this daddy can't either.

On the plus side, we should be able to still go on our mini vacay.

Busy bee.

Haven't posted a blog in a few days.

I feel like I am neglecting her. I am glad to see she hasn't left me for another man blog. My poor blogerina.

What have I been up to?

Friday was very hectic. All hell broke lose. And by hell, I mean fire, chaos, little gremlins, hot vomit! Poor old daddy, right?

Parker had started the morning, by hurtling throw up in the air like he had for the past few mornings. I thought to myself, this is getting old. So, I did what any dad would do and told his mother what had just happened. There was no fever and he was acting normal otherwise. Derek was also being a little needy devil angel that day. On top of that madness, I was busy packing like a little bee ready to go out for his first time to collect honey. We had plans to go to a wedding dinner reception of the brother in-law. He was getting married Saturday. Queen bee had given me a list and I was well on my way, until a wing snapped in half. As I landed face first into the dew drops of freshly growing blades of grass, I got a slap in the face. A blade of grass smacked me as I spiraled downward, cutting me along the jaw. Parker had his second bottle and was spewing vomit again. Like the Valdez, I knew I had to do something fast, before there were long lasting consequences. I had enough! I let mommy know again. A few minutes later, as I was cleaning up the vomit slick, I received a call.....
      "I have gotten Parker an appointment at 2:30."
That call was received at 2. I now have thirty minutes to get everyone ready, diaper bag packed, and the kids into the car. The doctor is about twenty minutes away and we are supposed to pick up mommy at 4. I thought to myself, "there is no way in hell!". I may be super-dad, but that was requesting a little too much, super.

Being speedy has its rewards. I was signing us in at 2:30. However, this day would get progressively worse. The doctor was slow. You may know the story of the Haire and the Tortoise. This was more like the Tortoise and the Snail. We finally left the office at 4. Yes, the queen bee was supposed to be picked up at 4.....don't remind me. Anyway, I still had to get a few things from the house and still had to drive forty-five minutes to where she worked. I made it to Rachel at fifteen til 5. Now we had to make it to the reception.

The reception dinner was to commence at 6 according to the mother in-law. If there is something I am not, I am not late. The current state of mind and mood I was in was very helpful. I made it. It was 6 and there was still no mother in-law. You really don't understand how far we had to travel, in rush hour traffic around Atlanta on a Friday evening. It was a near impossible feat. Done.

Next, we had the wedding to attend on Saturday. This was fine, except I was the photographer. The bitch behind the camera. To tell you the truth, I don't remember hearing or seeing any part of that wedding. It did not occur. I was focused on one thing......get as many pictures as possible, so I could please everyone. I did just that. Saturday evening came to a close and this busy little bee returned home, albeit hobbling and mangled.


My emotions.

Angry

Sad

Boys and their toys.

Where's Waldo? 

When you have two children, a room typical looks, as if a tornado has come through. This is our living room on a day to day basis. Sometimes, I clean it up. Most of the time I don't even bother. Can you point me in the right direction of a baby, because I would have probably just scooped one up and put it into the basket of toys, without a second look. 

Our little Derek has been acting peculiar for the past week. He has rarely ever clung onto any object, but he has begun to cling to this blankie a little like Linus does with his on, Charlie Brown. Ours is not quite that dirty yet, give it time. What makes it a little more special, is the fact that my father got him that blanket. So, I don't know whether he is holding onto it for sentimental value or just because he is reverting.
 

The coat that killed me.

Did you know this? I didn’t and had never heard about this from anyone or anywhere.

Coats and car seats are a very volatile combination.

You heard me correctly. Keeping a child’s coat or jacket on him, while riding in the car, can equal possible death. I have a now, toddler and a 10 month old baby and I am just learning of this. Just place the bad parenting label on me now.

I knew the straps had to be pretty tight against the child’s chest. I knew the child had to be rear facing for at least 2 years. I knew about weight and height requirements. I knew all of this, yet I did not know keeping my child warm could make him loose his life.

Winter coats and jackets change how the straps fit around a child. I am pretty sure the straps were still fairly tight around my kid’s (even used the finger rule). The finger rule is something you use to determine if the strap is tight enough against a child.

I don’t know about you, but have you seen the child restraint systems our parents used? Now they want to say, a coat can increase the chance of your child being ejected from the car seat. I really find it silly to be honest with you. My children look as if they are going to the moon when I strap them in the old minivan(they are sooooo damn tight). A monkey couldn’t get out of these things.

I do have to point out, they are talking about thicker coats, snowsuits, etc.

Needless to say, I still have never heard of such a thing.

I know this may come off bad, but do you realize how much work it would be to do what they want you to. Take the coat off upon entering the car. Put the coat on before exiting the car. Place the coat on backwards while driving in the car. Do these people have kids? That coat would stay on my oldest son for a millisecond, just long enough for me to turn around and begin shutting the door. Not to mention, if you are busy fooling with a coat, then you are not paying attention to your surroundings, thus leaving yourself open for robbery or a carjacking.

I will say, I don’t think I have ever run into the problem of having a coat on so thick that it may endanger one of my children. I will continue to do what I have done and what they recommend.  Instead of placing your child into an Eskimo outfit, such as that shown in 'A Christmas Story', just bring a blanket and tuck it around your child once they are safely strapped. They also have another absurd idea…. Warm up your car before. Doesn’t that require me to leave the car running while not watching it? Can someone say, car theft.

The common theme.

Be sensible. Sensible in how you dress your child. Sensible in how you manage to keep them warm. Sensible in how you strap them in.

They give directions on how to test if your child’s clothing may be too bulky here.

Just a PSA, from a father who had never heard of such a thing. If I just open up the eyes of one person, then maybe it will save a life. 

Published

A week ago, a blogger my wife and I(secretly) follow had requested people for a special project she was undertaking. The blogger, bethanne or how I more commonly know her, Heir to Blair. The subject, simply  send in pictures of an ordinary room you are proud of. A room, that did not cost much to decorate and was more ordinary than, lets say, JLo's blinged out baby room. Beth, wanted to show "real" children inspired rooms. Not the kind that involve hiring decorators at $1k an hour. Not the kind of room that got whipped together in a week, so that it may grace the cover of a magazine. No, she wanted the average room. The kind of room an average parent was proud of.

After careful inspection of what Beth was looking for, I jumped on the opportunity to show our beautifully inspired children's bedroom. A bedroom, I hand painted myself and was boyish, but still a little more grownup. The boys bedroom, alien inspired, came from the fact that we had space themed bedding for both Derek and Parker. I expanded on that idea, by bringing in UFO's...... cause what boy doesn't like aliens? I wanted to save money, by painting all aspects of the room myself. I was against stickers and wall decals. Grabbing the paint brush, I went head first into a room that would take several days to finish. I painted in a style, that was purposefully, a little less than professional, as I wanted it took look like a child may have helped paint. I added rockets, stars, the moon, and of course, UFO's.

Here is the direct link to my mention on Beth's blog.

Before

After

After(cleaning up the mess)

I would like to thank Beth, for giving me the opportunity to be on her blog. I love both of her blogs(mentioned above) and would ask that you visit them too. One, encompasses more of everything in life, while the other, revolves around the subject of children specifically.

Upon Further Inspection

I have definitely had my fair share of children's bathroom behavior, or lack there of lately.

Today is no exception!

Both children slept in today(sleeping in is 8:30), which has been a rare feat, since we have all been sick the past week. I checked on both earlier, as I had heard Parker talking to himself, but he must have talked himself back to sleep. Neither was awake, so I thought to myself, AWESOME. As with Rumpelstiltskin, on Once Upon A Time however, a good thing is often followed up by a bad and more substantial negative reaction. This was the case. 

Upon entering Derek and Parker's  room, I was blown back into the hallway by the pungent odor of poop. As if, I had stepped into a brick wall. My head began to ache and I felt nauseous to my stomach. I was familiar with this odor, as I had smelt this radioactive smell a few times before. Immediately, I went to get Derek, as he looked up at me with a sorta grin/sad face. Then, I saw it. His pants were brown front to back, his sheets wet, and the smell was retched. I carefully clasped my hands around his body the best I could, without getting it all over and without hurting the poor little guy. Laying him down on the changing table, I could see there would be no easy way around getting his clothes off without getting it all over his legs. As, I peeled his wet and tight pajama pants off, it unfortunately transferred onto not only his legs, but also my hands(SHIT yuck). At this point, all hope was soon lost, a fading memory travelling into the abyss of fog. 

Bath-time, would become the only possible solution for this icky mess.  

Derek treasures baths and playing in the water. 

Wait. No. 

He LOVES baths and playing in the water. He is our little fish. Our Michael Phelps.

Today, you were lucky. Because, as much as he LOVES playing in water, he equally loathes coming out of the water once he is in it.

He looks happier than he actually is. 

So, now that bath-time is over, I start to think.....

Why did this occur? 

Ding, ding, ding. I know what it is. 

And.

It is all mommy's fault! Wink wink. 

We decided, to have our usual staple for dinner last night. Papa Johns! 

Except.....

We ordered something different to go along with our pizza. We ordered the honey chipotle chicken fingers. Oh boy, did those chicken fingers have a kick! We tried the best we could, to wipe off much of the sauce, but the poor chicken was still coated in the gooey stuff. Alas, we probably have the culprit at hand. Spice and a kids stomach, equals bad outcome. 

Parent fail #224098.  

Guys Perspective - Week One

Today, I start my journey into the realm of female bonding......The Mommy Boards!

Every week, I will be digging in and giving my manly view(growl sound) to a random topic posted on one of the many mommy boards around town. I thought it would be unique to give a guys perspective on different topics floating the mommy board waters. This week, I pick an easy subject, I think? Some weeks may not be that easy and may open up a dialogue between you and I, you and a significant other, you and a friend. The point is, just get your mind working and gain perspective from a males viewpoint, as many mommy boards are just that, strictly mommies talking to mommies.

This weeks subject.

Student/teacher relationship.

A mommy recently posted, "Is it weird to have my 8th grade student, who had a baby in September, share her pregnancy symptoms and birth story with me?"

An easy answer would be, duh.....yeah! That is a cop-out though and does not really get into the mind of a male, a husband, a father.

So, lets dive into these murky male waters.

How old are you in 8th grade? 13 or 14 right? Man, I am going to have to reach far back into my mind on this one!

I remember having my first kiss around 5th or 6th grade. To me, that was huge and I felt awkward even at that point in my life. See, when you are that young it isn't love, it is a crush. You know about the feelings of mad, sad, angry and happy, but love, that is something that takes much more time to develop and in my opinion is something you should know before even getting into the act of SEX.

By 8th grade, I was thinking about hanging out with the guys and playing Nintendo, playing in the tree-house, and playing sports. Girls were far from my mind. I loved soccer and by that age, I had started to learn to play golf. Even, once into high school, I can't even think of one girl being pregnant. I know there were parties, people may have gotten to first and second base, but going all the way home......no way!

It has got to be a generation thing for sure, but does that really change the fact that sex is okay in middle school? What are children watching or hearing that is making them think it is okay to have sex that young? I am not that old, we had MTV and cable back then. Programming may be a little different. Back then, it was actually a "music channel" and not Teen Mom, Jersey Shore, or one of the many other programs being ingrained into the innocent minds of our children. Teen Mom makes it seem easy to have a baby.....it is the before and aftermath of the relationship they focus on and not the struggles of carrying a baby and the symptoms one has during those often difficult times. That will get us into family values, which will be mentioned further on.

So, back to the question at hand. Is it weird to have a teacher/student relationship about the birthing story of your babies......yes, but is it okay, no. It is not okay and may even get you into trouble nowadays, but you as a teacher, adult, mother and mentor have a duty and obligation to that child. Teachers get a bum rap, but they deal with many issues in this generation that our generations were not participating in. Teachers often have families of their own, but now, must be mothers to the children they are teaching. Family values have been pushed to the side and we really need to fight as parents, mentors, and teachers to get these values back into our lives. I could not fathom being a parent at 13 or 14, nor do I want my children being parents just as they are starting to know what life is all about. I want my children to figure themselves out before they have to figure out how to feed a baby, change a baby, and be the emotional support of a baby.

Daddy, out.